Do I deserve a vacation?

I'm going on vacation. Without my husband. Without my kids. Just me and some friends. A real vacation. Not a business trip extension. Not a "family visit" vacation. A real, grown-up vacation. Alone. Well, not really. I'm going with three friends, but it feels like I'm going alone. I was afraid to tell my mother-in-law. What would she think? I'm so selfish that I'm leaving her baby boy and my kids to jaunt across the country with a guy and 2 other girls? She who raised six kids single handedly with nary a vacation or a night out? Imgine my surprise when she said "Good for you! You deserve it." Not only that, she is helping out with babysitting and sending me e-mails telling me to have a good time.

Still, I feel guilty. Okay, so my mother-in-law is for it, but what about my husband? He was less than thrilled when I announced, "Hey, guess what? Danny invited me on a ski trip to Banff!" He was practically asleep at the time and I had woken him up to tell him this great, selfish news, but couldn't he say something more supportive than "I thought we didn't have any money?" We don't have any money, but the trip is practically free. I know he was jealous, hell, I would be, but for some reason, he could not say he was jealous. Why is that? I would be saying it every day. I would be supportive of him taking his trip, as I was last year when he went to visit the same friend in Texas, but I would admit that I wish it was me. I have no problem admitting that I'm jealous. Or that I'm mad or angry or pissed off for that matter. He can't. He feels guilty and thinks he should not be jealous. Hmmm. One of our many, many differences.

The kids want to go. Of course. They all ski and here I am saying Mommy is going on a great ski trip and you can't come. Funny, they haven't really asked why or why isn't daddy going or anything like that. Guess kids just take some things as final. Wish they would be that way about no more ice cream or tv.

I still feel guilty, but not guilty enough to stay home.